Oi!

I woke up this morning and went "WTF" to myself in regards to the condition of the house. I will never know how in three days my house in it's entirety can go from clean and pretty to a total effing disaster. Anyway, so that was my third or fourth thought of the day. Around 9am I ventured out, grocery list in hand, and made my way to Kroger with both girls in tow. Up until this point, I have gotten away with taking one or the other on big store trips or both if its just a small errand. But today I had an entire list of things we needed and two bright eyed little girls. Almost right after we got there, my sweet Alivia decided to start screaming. Naturally, I whipped out my boob and began nursing her in the sling. A few moments later, she was asleep and Carly and I were able to carry on. She nursed through out the rest of the shopping trip but was covered so no one even knew. An hour or so later, we were in the parking lot unloading the groceries. Both girls were buckled in and content, Carly having convinced me to not only buy Oreos but Caprisun as well and Alivia having just woken up from boob and nap. I felt very accomplished. Ever since Alivia was born, my goal was to get one thing done every day whether its an entire load of laundry, a meal, grocery shopping, or whatever. Right after she was born, I went stir crazy. I am the type of person who hates more than one lazy day. I am constantly doing something. Obviously when I gave birth to my second child, everything took longer and I became overwhelmed with the expectations I placed on myself. So, one goal a day. Totally doable. We get home, Carly immediately wants something to drink and the baby is ready to be out of her carseat. Meanwhile, there are perishable items in the trunk of my van. I make about 10 trips bringing the stuff inside, get Carly a drink, and hold Alivia while I start putting things away. Then comes lunch for all three of us (Alivia is attached to my chest the whole time). Carly wants pizza and a yogurt and I remember that I forgot to eat breakfast so we split a gross Totinos and some vanilla yogurt. Whatever. Its quick and I needed something in my stomach. I debate on whether or not to nap with the kids today, knowing that my house is still a wreck despite the fact that it's noon and to some people not much was accomplished. I decide to lay down with the girls in my bed. I get very irritable when I am tired. Carly brings in her own special pillows and a few of her own babies and lays down on my side of the bed. I take Blakes side. We all get comfy and about 20 minutes later, both kids are asleep. It is not until that point that I can finally relax and close my eyes. Two hours later, we are up and on our way to my husbands office. He and I decide to clean our cars and I tell him that I will vacuum and clean the inside of both our cars if he will clean the outsides. He agrees. Between balancing the kids and cleaning both vehicles, this takes two/three hours. I take the girls home and begin thinking about dinner. While thinking, I have the baby in her sling, Carly watching cartoons, I am folding laundry and answering a few texts. Before I know it, it's 6pm and my husband is home. I hand him the baby after he greets me with a kiss and throw together some leftovers. Then comes bath time. Usually, I do all of this by myself but tonight my honey came home early so I got to designate duties! We put Carly to bed with extra kisses and giggles. I nurse the baby to sleep. Hubby goes downstairs. I stay upstairs to finish the laundry and clean up the kitchen from dinner. I decide to take a nice hot bath to try and rid myself of this headache that started a few hours ago. My house still isn't as clean as I would like it to be... But my kids and husband are happy and I suppose that's more important, haha. Goodnight.

Wildlife.

That's a picture of me and Carly (4) feeding a deer at my mom's house. How cool is that?! My mom named her "Baby" and apparently she visits every evening. I'll have to do some research, but she likes bread and dog food. She ate out of my hand and Carly's. The deer is very timid and shy but enjoyed the meal we shared.

Today was a nice day. I helped clean my mom's house and played with the kiddos. I was awakened by Carly at 2am then again at 6am after getting up with Alivia at 5am. So, not much sleep. I swear, my child sleeps worse than my infant.

Anyway, after a failed attempt at a nap, I took the kids to Lake Peachtree. Carly splashed around and chased the geese while I walked with Alivia and tried to find shade for us to stand in.

I'm trying to convince my mom to come to the zoo with us tomorrow. We will see if that pans out. I don't know that I'm brave enough to do that on my own with two kids yet, but we will see. It also depends on how much sleep I get tonight... so I should probably get off the computer and get to bed.

We will head back home tomorrow. I miss my house and my husband.

Revelation.

It's 10pm and both children are in bed. I should also be in bed... seeing as my sweet four month old will wake up in a few hours to nurse and at 6am, my four year old will be up and ready to start her day. It's rare that I actually get some "alone" time so here I sit.

The three of us came down to my moms in Peachtree City earlier today. It's our bi-monthly ritual. My mom is one of my best friends and she is a wonderful grandma to my kids. When Alivia was first born, she'd come up every Thursday and spend the day helping me go grocery shopping or cleaning the house or just helping me learn to balance two kids. When Alivia turned about 2 months, we ventured to Peachtree City for the first time. It was horrible. This kid hates carseats. She can be clean, fed, and tired... but she will likely scream from point a to point b with less than 10 seconds of catching her breath during the entire trip. I think it may be getting better. I say that as I frantically look for a piece of wood to knock on. In any case, I have pretty much mastered bringing my two children on an hour long drive and being away from "home" for a couple days. 

I love coming down here to spend time with my mom though. I grew up in this city and I know it like the back of my hand. It's a nice place to raise children - until they become old enough and start hating it. I hated being a teenager here and looking back, I don't know why. I guess I was just angsty in general and thought everything sucked. I had a good childhood and even though my parents divorced when I was 15, it really wasn't a reason to start wearing all black and dying my hair obnoxious colors. Yea, I was "that" kid. Looking back I get embarassed of myself during that time in my life and I can wait for the day when my own children decide to express themselves in less than flattering ways.

I think the strangest thing of all is running into people I went to high school with/grew up with. I was never the type of girl people imagined would grow up to get married and have a family, or enjoy either of those things. I was a loner and didn't really care for kids. Like I stated above, a good portion of my high school days were spent wearing black pants and navel showing shirts hoping I would resemble Gwen Stefani in her early No Doubt days.

Obviously, that's not who I am anymore which is why it catches people off guard. For one, I am a mom. No one really saw that one coming. I'm married. I drive a mini-van. I am happy and nearly every picture of me these days has me smiling (a rareity back in the day!). I don't curse (around the kids) and genuinely enjoy being a stay-at-home mom. I like cooking and cleaning and doing laundry and changing diapers and watching Blues Clues and experiencing new things with my girls. I absolutely love it.

It's just kind of funny how things change, isn't it?

Growing up.

It's really interesting sitting back and simply watching your kids. In my mind, I am still a kid and sometimes it's hard to believe I am a mom of two. I see through the same eyes even though clearly I am nearing the age of twenty six and have grown up responsibilities (but I'll admit, I can get along well with four year olds).

My daughter had a spring performance at her school today. It was adorable. Some of the kids sang, some did not. Some shouted "I see you, mommy!". Carly sat there and shyly waved at me, my mom, and my husband. It was an emotional mommy moment, seeing my first child on stage with her classmates. At that moment she was not only my first born but she was also a little girl; her own person.

The older I get the more I understand my own mom and why she always cried at my school plays and gymnastics and any major milestones. It's a big deal watching your children grow up. When you see them apart from you it becomes apparent how you're doing as a mom or dad and the mannerisms they develop from watching you - and ofcourse, you see their own incredible little personalities.

Carly is currently standing on a stool in the kitchen with my mom. They are shucking corn. I love being a mom and I love having the family that I have. My children have the opportunity to learn and experience so many things because of the people in their lives. I've learned a lot about being a mom from my own mother. I appreciate her more and more every day.

Update

Well, my initial plan was to update more frequently than once a year. In my defense, it was one hell of a year. I will use this new post as a quick update. Two days after Chrustmas, we moved into our new home (me being 8.5 months pregnant). It is amazing and I want to stay here forever. We are now a family of six. Alivia Grace was born on January 19, 2012 at 5:25pm after six hours of hard labor. I had been in early labor for days and my midwife told me it would happen at any time. She ended up coming a week before her due date weighing 7lbs, 2oz. I got the epidural when I was about 4-5 centimeters dilated but it wore off within an hour. By the time I was ready to push, I felt every thing. She is now three months old and my life is absolutely wonderful. It was hard at first for me to adjust to having two children full time. Carly was obsessed with the new baby and wouldn't give either of us any space. It wore me out. It was a huge challenge learning to balance my four year olds wants and needs with the primal and constant needs of a newborn. With my husbands help and that of my family, we all got through and we have found a new normal. I am still primarily nursing. Alivia is small so the pediatrician suggested supplementing with formula once in a while. Carly has calmed down and has become the biggest help imaginable. She actually gets uneasy now whenever someone other than me holds the baby. The boys think the baby is precious and hold her whenever they can. The school year is coming to an end and Carly will be moving up in her preschool. In another year, she will be starting kindergarten. She has done really well in school and has made a lot of friends and learned a ton. I am so glad that I listened to my instincts and put her in school when I did. She has benefited tremendously. My dad is now living in Washington state but came to visit his new grand baby when she was just two weeks old. I miss him a lot. Our relationship is better now than it has been in almost a decade. I am thankful for that. My mom has joined the cyber world! She has a facebook and has recently connected with a lot of old friends. I am proud of her and love reading her posts. Other than that, our lives are just very busy on a daily basis. But I am beyond happy in nearly every way possible.